Family Caregivers of the Elderly and Disabled
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The PositiveLights.org Web Site |
When a mother, father, sister, brother or other loved one becomes disabled or incapacitated by age or infirmity, the family must make the agonizing decision of whether to care for their loved one in their home or to make arrangements with a nursing home, assisted living facility or convalescent care facility. In some cases, the choice of a facility is a temporary one, but in others it may be permanent.
Family members frequently feel guilty at not be able to care for their loved one at home, but in many cases, that is simply not a realistic alternative. Their home or apartment may require extremely costly renovations to accommodate the use of a walker or wheel chair. Bathrooms may need to be modified. Stairs may need to be modified into ramps. Even if there were adequate funds to make those modifications of the home, there is the more difficult decision of whether to quit work or to hire an in-home caregiver.
To add to the difficulty of this decision, some family members are not able to provide the kind of care provided by a nursing aide -- such as helping with eating, bathing, toileting and other activities of daily living. To make matters even worse, there may be other family members in the vicinity who are simply unwilling to help in any way.
Then, to make the problem even more agonizing, the family member who needs help may be angry about his or her condition and may be openly hostile to anyone who attempts to offer any kind of help and may refuse to accept any kind of professional care.
Meanwhile, someone in the family must take on the duty of paying bills, dealing with an assortment of confusing and complicated legal procedures (such as a power of attorney, medical directive, joint ownership or living trust). These legal and financial matters can often become overwhelming even for those with some training in related subjects.
And no matter what decisions are made, other family members may be sitting on the "side-lines" offering constant criticism and complaining about how much money is being expended on someone who has an incurable disease or disability.
At some point, a great many family caregivers realize that the long term care of a disabled or incapacitated person requires special skills and talent. In many cases, the cost of a nursing home or other suitable facility may be less than the cost of giving up a job for an uncertain but indefinite period of time.
The focus of the Positive Lights web site is to provide some solace and support for those who become the primary family care-givers, whether they provide such care in their home or in an elder care facility. We seek to discover how to help the family members to cope with these often overwhelming burdens and to help the family care-givers to make decisions to improve the care of their loved ones.
We welcome stories and information that can be shared with others in this circumstance.
Gregg Gimlin
President
ELDER CARE AND ELDER RAGE: Jacqueline Marcell is baby boomer who discovered the problem of elder care the hard way. Both of her parents developed Alzheimer's and she had to stop her career to take care of them. From her experience, she wrote "Elder Rage" -- which has become a best seller. She has established a web site to promote her book, which is appropriately called http://www.elderrage.com/ Hers is a story about coping with parents who
Make unreasonable demands, wanting all of your time Are experiencing memory loss or dementia / Alzheimer’s Are obsessed with ill health, but refuse to see the doctor Have become depressed, manipulative, distrustful or hostile Refuse any mention of caregiving or elder care help
Related Aticles on this Web Site
Links to In-Home Family Caregiver Resources
Home Caregivers Association of America
Information for Caregivers (Internet Stroke Center)
Caregivers Resources (Open Directory Project)
National Family Caregiver Support Program (U.S. Department of Human Services; Administration on Aging)
National Family Caregivers Association
The Center for Family Caregivers
Care for Caregivers (ElderNet)
Directory of Care Giving Resources
Internet Resources for Caregivers
Caregivers Online Support List
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